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chocolate cookie version #3

good night, moon!

He is never enough company on these lonely winter’s nights.

the holiday season.

My sheets are anticipating the moment you return, begging for your sweat to stain the masses lying on their surface. Its the holiday season, and you’re home, but… not here. A strange occurrence considering the way the year has been, something I’m thankful for, but albeit, strange. The stuffed animals that almost seemed human-like as they watched us cuddle on the same bed, miss you. My out of date laptop which you laughed at as you furiously typed a complaint letter to starbucks, misses you. And when I hear those painfully annoying but loveable hyundai commercials, I miss you.
I can’t help but to wonder if you’re feeling the longing too, it is, after all, the time of the year where beds are made to be slept in by more than one person, the time of year where sweaters are meant to be shared, and the time of year where your loneliness reminds you of its presence on every corner you turn.
But I know its a stretch. Knowing you, you’ve found solace in the top 100 tracks of 2010 from pitchfork.com or a venti cup of starbucks coffee you got for free after knowing someone who knows the barista who works there. Maybe you’ve found solace in another girl, but…I’m trying not to think of that right now. Its been the year of you, as terrible as that sounds, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Half a month left in the year and I’m working on improving the next one. Its been a year, a long year of learning, and I’m a person; a more grown up person than I imagined, with brand-new memories and lessons to carry me along. Just to think of this: a year without the thought of us. Only the sweet memories for the time being until I forget about you.

I’m liking the sound of that already.

Wishlist

It’s that time of the year again and everyone seems to be posting their wishlists. So I’m going to post mine as well. 🙂 I’m almost done with my Christmas shopping as well. I bought more than planned! :*)

Books
Das Zeichen des Vampirs – Susan Hubbard
Numbers – Rachel Ward
Trostpflaster – Anne Hertz
Symbol – Dan Brown
Eisige Nähe – Andreas Franz
Leichenblässe – Simon Beckett
Todesspiele – Karen Rose
Ausgelöscht – Cody McFadyen
Helter Skelter – Vincent T. Bugliosi
Mädchenfänger – Jilliane Hoffman 
Eat, Pray, Love – Elizabeth Gilbert

DVD
The Family Stone
Eclipse
Full House Season 5
Two & A Half Men Series Box

Misc

Notebooks (any size, any color)
New York related things (Dutchess County/Stormville, NY)
Wool (left overs)
candles
Holiday cards from all over the world
All kinds of tea
Pencils
Dog toys for my puppies

Camera Gear 
Polaroid Land Camera
Vintage Typewriter
Canon EF 1.8

These things from modcloth.com

The girl wandered through the icy halls of broken statues and cracked mirrors. Each shattered reflection hiding under the frosty film revealed a fleeting memory. A happier time when she wasn’t so alone.

She weaved through the sea of figures standing in the ballroom and courtyard trapped in their dance – Courtiers forever frozen in time. Bare feet stepped across the chipped marble and razor glass, slicing them to scarlet ribbons which trailed behind her in the snow.

“Forgotten,” she whispered to no one in particular. “I have been forgotten here in this place. You have gone and left me all alone.” Who had left her, she could not remember for she had been here for quite a long time now. Recollections were all but ephemeral dreams, slipping through her mind like smoke through the air.

When she came to the nursery, she paused. The dolls sat around the table starring at her, waiting. She took her seat and passed out the tea and biscuits. “Would anyone care for sugar or milk in their tea?” the girl asked. Her question held in the silence, unanswered for many long minutes. “You are hardly good company,” she said. “Don’t you know it’s rude to ignore someone who is peaking to you.”

The painted faces smiled back as if mocking the girl. “Very well,” the girl said, raising to her feet. “Have your secrets.” Without another word, she left the room and continued down the hall.

Through the twisting and turning corridors she walked, streaming a scarlet trail behind her. At last she came to a doorway. But there was no door. Just an inky darkness churning like a liquid shadow. Above the archway, a single word was carved in ice: Oblivion.

With crystal tears dripping from her eyes, the girl sighed as she stared at the word. “Anything is better than here,” she said. She looked into the blackness and stepped inside.

Little Girl

Perfect little girl
standing right beside me
Never crying out
only on the inside

Know your name too well
constant thoughts of dying
See you in the mirror
stop with all your hiding

Time for you to stand
face all your demons
Time to get your voice
rise up and shout out

Stupid little girl
standing right beside me
Remember all your doubts
what’s the use in trying

Whispers in the hall
all around you laughing
Drowning out your voice
mocking as you’re dying

You stood up and faced it
fought with all your might
So bad, you taste it
now you wave the flag

No more little girl
gone and I replace you
Standing in your shell
awake the eastern sun

It’s a sign.

I miss you so much.
More and more each day.