Archive for the ‘writing’ Category

My sheets are anticipating the moment you return, begging for your sweat to stain the masses lying on their surface. Its the holiday season, and you’re home, but… not here. A strange occurrence considering the way the year has been, something I’m thankful for, but albeit, strange. The stuffed animals that almost seemed human-like as they watched us cuddle on the same bed, miss you. My out of date laptop which you laughed at as you furiously typed a complaint letter to starbucks, misses you. And when I hear those painfully annoying but loveable hyundai commercials, I miss you.
I can’t help but to wonder if you’re feeling the longing too, it is, after all, the time of the year where beds are made to be slept in by more than one person, the time of year where sweaters are meant to be shared, and the time of year where your loneliness reminds you of its presence on every corner you turn.
But I know its a stretch. Knowing you, you’ve found solace in the top 100 tracks of 2010 from pitchfork.com or a venti cup of starbucks coffee you got for free after knowing someone who knows the barista who works there. Maybe you’ve found solace in another girl, but…I’m trying not to think of that right now. Its been the year of you, as terrible as that sounds, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Half a month left in the year and I’m working on improving the next one. Its been a year, a long year of learning, and I’m a person; a more grown up person than I imagined, with brand-new memories and lessons to carry me along. Just to think of this: a year without the thought of us. Only the sweet memories for the time being until I forget about you.

I’m liking the sound of that already.


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Anything is better than here.

The girl wandered through the icy halls of broken statues and cracked mirrors. Each shattered reflection hiding under the frosty film revealed a fleeting memory. A happier time when she wasn’t so alone.

She weaved through the sea of figures standing in the ballroom and courtyard trapped in their dance – Courtiers forever frozen in time. Bare feet stepped across the chipped marble and razor glass, slicing them to scarlet ribbons which trailed behind her in the snow.

“Forgotten,” she whispered to no one in particular. “I have been forgotten here in this place. You have gone and left me all alone.” Who had left her, she could not remember for she had been here for quite a long time now. Recollections were all but ephemeral dreams, slipping through her mind like smoke through the air.

When she came to the nursery, she paused. The dolls sat around the table starring at her, waiting. She took her seat and passed out the tea and biscuits. “Would anyone care for sugar or milk in their tea?” the girl asked. Her question held in the silence, unanswered for many long minutes. “You are hardly good company,” she said. “Don’t you know it’s rude to ignore someone who is peaking to you.”

The painted faces smiled back as if mocking the girl. “Very well,” the girl said, raising to her feet. “Have your secrets.” Without another word, she left the room and continued down the hall.

Through the twisting and turning corridors she walked, streaming a scarlet trail behind her. At last she came to a doorway. But there was no door. Just an inky darkness churning like a liquid shadow. Above the archway, a single word was carved in ice: Oblivion.

With crystal tears dripping from her eyes, the girl sighed as she stared at the word. “Anything is better than here,” she said. She looked into the blackness and stepped inside.

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Little Girl

Perfect little girl
standing right beside me
Never crying out
only on the inside

Know your name too well
constant thoughts of dying
See you in the mirror
stop with all your hiding

Time for you to stand
face all your demons
Time to get your voice
rise up and shout out

Stupid little girl
standing right beside me
Remember all your doubts
what’s the use in trying

Whispers in the hall
all around you laughing
Drowning out your voice
mocking as you’re dying

You stood up and faced it
fought with all your might
So bad, you taste it
now you wave the flag

No more little girl
gone and I replace you
Standing in your shell
awake the eastern sun

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I’m the sort of girl who skims pages in a book then reads a particularly evocative paragraph five times over. I’m the sort of girl who gets out of the shower in a bathrobe and stays in it for the rest of the night. I’m the sort of girl who makes a new friend and knows if they will still be in her life in two years. I’m the sort of girl who wishes she could eat cupcakes from the bottom up because icing is too lovely to devour first. I’m the sort of girl who spends a whole weekend reading a book or writing letters. I’m the sort of girl who lives for abandoning plans. I’m the sort of girl who finds herself day-dreaming at any time given.

I’m the sort of girl who always feels like grilled salmon with black pepper and lemon for dinner. I’m the sort of girl who wakes up before the sun is out. I’m the sort of girl who tries to do everything right. I’m the sort of girl who picks books over movies. I’m the sort of girl who knows when someone likes her but pretends not to because she wants to hear it from his mouth and not her own head. I’m the sort of girl who finds it laughable that those who talk the most shit are the ones with the most shit said about them. I’m the sort of girl who falls for marketing ploys and buys in haste. I’m the sort of girl who has her first everything bagel with you and associates you with them for life. I’m the sort of girl who has friends in several continents and still feels like she could make many more. I’m the sort of girl who has problems to trust people.

I’m the sort of girl who gets melancholy and nostalic more than often. I’m the sort of girl who likes having a flavour of the month, the sort of girl who thinks the saddest people alive are those who condescend and patronise to make themselves feel better. The sort of girl who says ‘thank you’, ‘please’ and ‘pardon’ and swears like a sailor five seconds later. I’m the sort of girl who wishes it was autumn all year around. I’m the sort of girl who loves Norway and Nashville and Chicago and Milwaukee and Finland and Santa Monica and always wants to be anywhere but here, wherever ‘here’ may be.

Hi, I’m Jennie. I’m a writer. Therefor, I am.

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Just because you stop believing… that doesn’t mean that it just goes away

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I dream ● Sometimes I think that’s the only right thing to do.

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creative late night

At some point in life, you start wondering what you’ve done wrong. What you did to have people assume you don’t have to be asked for favours or things, you will simply do them. It makes you wonder whether at some point you gave off the impression that you’re everyones slave; that they can decide over you and your time. And then you realise… I didn’t do anything. People are just rude, they try you and if you go along, if you don’t stand up for yourself, they will simply continue. Might even tell you at some point, when you say no, that you used to do it all the time. You realise that you have to stand up for yourself and put your foot down. I’m done dealing with people who have not the slightest bit of respect for me, who take me and my kindness for granted and who don’t think twice about having me do the stuff they simply don’t want to do. But I’m changing this, I’m too grown for it and I’m not going to just take it anymore. Private matters, so called friendships sometimes work the exact same way, or rather they don’t work, at all. When you hold on to friendships, just because. When friends irk you, make you feel like suffocating them and you can’t find it in your heart to just cut them out your life, just because. I wonder what it’s going to take. Old resentments on both sides sometimes make it tough to see clearly what lies ahead. They make it tough to see, that really, nothing lies ahead and that the mist of resentments simply obstructs the vision of what should have never been seen. So why can’t I find it in my heart to just say goodbye, just let go. I know all these things, why not call it a day and walk away. I guess, only time will tell. But I’m done giving it any more thought than it deserves.

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